Words Of Affirmation & Quality Time Sexual Compatibility
For most sexually involved couples, setting aside time for intimacy can fulfill multiple needs for affection, according to Dr. Schewitz. Having sex is a way to spend quality time, so that partners love language should be filled by being intimate, she says. The person with a quality time love language may feel seen and appreciated by their partners willingness to spend time connecting sexually.
This time spent together in the bedroom can be very meaningful as a form of QT, but Dr. Schewitz notes that the partner who prefers words might want to hear something like you are so sexy or I love making love to you. It may take some getting used to for couples who dont use dirty talk or any talking at all when getting intimate, but expressing your feelings during sex toward a partner with a words of affirmation love language can go a long way in increasing the sexual compatibility with someone whose love language is quality time.
Words Of Affirmation: Date Night Challenge
Affirmation Popsicle Sticks
Taking ten popsicle sticks each, write the beginning words for different affirmation statements along the side. Here are some examples:
I feel LOVED when you
I APPRECIATE when you
I am PROUD of you when you
The best way to create these beginnings is to start with I feel when you Dont write the answers, just the beginnings. Weve used a few popular ones as examples above, but dont be afraid to get a little goofy with your choices Once you have them written out, place all of them into a cup.
Choose an evening to sit together outside or on the porch. Head to the store and pick up a box of your favorite types of popsicles or ice cream bars .
As you enjoy your frozen treats, take turns pulling the popsicle sticks out of the cup. Read the beginning and then finish the sentence on your own. Start to talk about all those things you love about each other, and create some quality time together!
Affirmations, Fro-Yo Style
No this isnt an action movie about a martial artist that uses frozen treats as weapons, its better! First, find a local frozen yogurt shop and choose a night to go out.
Before you leave, have you each come up with 4 things you appreciate about your partner, but dont tell them what they are.
When you get to the fro-yo shop, it will be your challenge to create a cup for your partner using three toppings. Heres the kicker, the flavor of ice cream and each topping must coordinate with the list of appreciations you created.
When Your Partners Love Language Is Words Of Affirmation:
Very simply: They want you to give them reassurance, validation, and support with your words, and more importantly, they want you to mean what you say. It can be very easy for partners with words of affirmation as their love language to spot fake compliments and remarks, Graveris says. My number one advice is to make sure if you say something to your partner, it comes from your heart. If you say random things or make stuff up, theyll know youre not authentic.
Being empathetic to their feelings goes a long way, as do pep talks when theyre feeling down, and thanking or praising them as much as possible. Dont just assume your partner knows you caretell them, and tell them often.
If youre having a hard time remembering to give positive, verbal affirmation, Battistin suggests putting a daily reminder in your phone to text them something nice or even send them a funny meme. Pick up several thinking about you cards and mail one a month to your partner or get some dry-erase pens and write, I love you, on the bathroom mirror, she suggests. Before you know it, youll be speaking their language.
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Positive Words Of Affirmation Ideas
- Thank you for telling me how you feel
- You are one of the strongest people I know
- You are one of the few good people I know
- Your mistake doesnt take away the fact that you are in such an amazing place right now
- I believe that you can overcome anything that you want to.
- You have such a strong mentality. I just want to stare at you and admire it all day long.
- I will always be here for you
- You can count on me to sit by your side no matter the situation you are facing
- I will never judge you for things in the past
- I will always love and cherish you no matter how bad things become
Words Of Affirmation Explained
If your primary love language is Words of Affirmation, then your partners appreciation and love are best affirmed to you through words . You feel love when your partner tells you how attractive you look or when they say how proud of you they are after you accomplish something. On the flip-side, for people with this as their primary language, insults or negative comments may cut a little deeper.
In this post, well explain the Words of Affirmation love language, take a look at some examples, and give you a couple of date night games or activities to help you strengthen this language!
If you havent yet discovered your love language, wed like to invite you to take this free quiz.
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The Five Love Languages
|The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate|
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1992 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls “love languages”. They are acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.
Know Your Love Language First
Start by learning what your own love language is. To do that, Shetty used the advice given in Chapmans book when he urged listeners to ask themselves the following questions:
- Which love language makes me feel the most joy to receive?
- What lack of love language hurts the most?
Pinpointing this for yourself will help you understand what your love language is so you can express that to your partner.
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Words Of Affirmation Are Love Language For Her
Love languages vary from person to person, and you can express them in various ways. However, there are five primary love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gift-giving. Each person expresses love in a different way and according to their own needs. When your loved one understands your love language, they will feel loved and appreciated. Words of affirmation can be simple things like Youre beautiful or I love you.
How To Use Words Of Affirmation
One way to love your partner is by using words of affirmation. This means saying things that build your partner up, make them feel good about themselves, and show them how much you care about them.
There are several ways to add more compliments to your partners life. For example, compliment your partner in front of your friends or family members, or just talk about the wonderful things you appreciate about your partner to other people.
Somebody whos not naturally a verbal person might find it easier to say things to their partner in the form of text messages rather than to say them out loud. If it seems weird to you, then perhaps you should say what you want to your partner in the form of an email.
You can also specifically ask your partner what words or compliments are the most meaningful to them. Its just not realistic that you can just say anything positive and theyll eat it up. Each person has their own things that feel particularly meaningful to them. So, just ask them what they really like!
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The Best Way To Speak To A Partner Whose Love Language Is Words Of Affirmation
Photo Credit: The Kitcheners
Several years ago when my husband was just my fiancé, we took a marriage prep class. Newly engaged, we needed all the help we could get to prepare us for a lifetime of good and bad. Sure, we had already decided to commit to each other for the rest of our lives, but we knew that there were things we could still learn about how to navigate our relationship. So when our marriage prep teacher Pete McFadden assigned The Five Love Languagesfor coursework, we jumped on it.
If you have not read Gary Chapmans book, youre missing out. Chapmans bestselling book has sold more than ten million copies worldwide. Its no wonder whythese two hundred pages have transformed countless relationships, including my own.
In his book, Chapman explains that we tend to give and receive love in five main ways: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. My then-fiancé and I devoured our copies in a day, discussing our love languages afterward over takeout in my tiny living room. He couldnt decide between physical touch and quality time . Mine was a clear winner: words of affirmation.
For me, I feel safest when I hear how he thinks and feels about me. The words I love you warm my heart. But hearing why he loves me? That sends me straight to heaven. Conversely, rudeness, insults, and even a brusque tone deeply injure those whose love language is words of affirmation.
Words Of Affirmation & Quality Time Emotional Compatibility
At their core, both words of affirmation and quality time are love languages that center around connecting with a partner. Speaking words of affirmation can bring about more emotional and intellectual connection, while quality time encourages energy and effort spent on connecting by being in the same place or experiencing an activity together. These elements lend themselves well to forming a strong emotional connection between partners who have these love languages.
Emotionally, words of affirmation and quality time make an easy match because quality time very often includes conversation and its easy to slip in some words of affirmation during that date night or mini-golf game, says Dr. Schewitz. The ease with which these love languages can overlap makes for great potential for a solid emotional connection.
What Are The Five Love Languages Everything You Need To Know
Use love languages to appreciate people, support friends, and to show your partner you care. Take the love language quiz to find yours.
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote The 5 Love Languages back in 1992. In that now-famous work, he coined the term love languages to explain the fundamentally different ways we express and receive love. But the love languages arent just for romance! You can use the love languages to appreciate people in business, to support friends, and to show a partner you care.
Take the Quiz
Are you wondering which Love Language you are? You can take Dr. Chapmans official quiz to find out!
Receiving Gifts As A Love Language
Receiving gifts is the final love language. It needs to be said that this love language is not reserved for the greedy or so-called gold diggers.
For someone whose love language is gifts, it goes way beyond just wanting stuff. For this person, its all about the meaning behind the gift and the thought that went into it. No diamonds or luxury cars are required.
Signs that receiving gifts is your love language:
- When it comes to gift-giving, you put in the time to choose the most thoughtful gift.
- You treasure everything a partner gives you, no matter how small.
- Youre hurt when someone you love doesnt commemorate an event with a thoughtful token.
Showing love through gifts isnt about extravagance. A small memento will be just as appreciated because big or small, a gift is a tangible reminder that they were thought of and are loved.
Here are some ways to show love to someone whose love language is receiving gifts:
- Picking up their favorite pastry or candy on your way home.
- Surprising them with flowers whether store-bought or picked from the side of the road.
- Giving them a thoughtful greeting card just because.
- Bringing your BFF a keepsake from your early friendship, like a picture from your first road trip.
- Choosing gifts that are personal to your relationship.
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Why Are Affirmations Important
Love words of affirmation are vital because they offer positive affirmations for a wife or husband, where they will be able to understand how much you care and appreciate them.
Using words of affirmation can help them be aware that you are noticing the work they are putting into the relationship. In some cases, it may also allow them to have more confidence and self-worth.
You likely want to build up your mate instead of making them feel like they arent a valued family member.
Moreover, when you offer words of affirmation to lift them, this tells them you are also trying to strengthen your bond.
Some research suggests that trying to uplift your spouse can help them cope with health issues and improve their well-being, even in a dire situation. This is something to think about, especially since encouraging your spouse isnt a difficult thing to do.
Even if you arent good at expressing yourself, there is plenty of help within this article and online if you need more support. All you need to do is think about the things you like the most about your wife or partner and tell her about them.
Another aspect to consider is that the words of affirmation Love Languages®can also benefit your relationship since hearing affirming words may make you want to do more to improve your marriage or bond at all times.
Essentially, validating words can cause you to feel like your love is worth all the effort and time you put into it.
What Shouldn’t I Do If My Partner’s Love Language Is ‘words Of Affirmation’
- Feed them negative words, accusations, or any negative phrases. Pataky notes that these people are usually highly sensitive to criticism since they value this form of communication so much. “The best approach would be to take a second to think before verbally responding to your partner to avoid any words being taken out of context at the moment, as any hurtful word can be taken to heart by the individual,” says Pataky. “Any form of emotional abuse will only hinder the emotional connection with your partner and cause unnecessary arguments that can damage the relationship.”
- Assume there’s a perfect phrase for all of life’s situations. On days you’re feeling down, when your partner does their best to remind you of all the positives in your life or how great they think you are, and it still doesn’t do much to cheer you up, don’t hold it against them. Sometimes there’s nothing someone can say to bust you out of a funk, and that’s not their fault. Thank them for trying, and do what you can to turn your own mood around.
- Forget to cater to their love language, too. The same way your partner’s offering you encouraging and affirming words, take time to learn about what makes them feel loved, says Comaroto. Relationships are a two-way street that require giving as much as you take, so ask your partner what you can do to make them feel special the same way they do for you.
Your partner might just thank you for itwith a sweet love note.
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Finally Return The Favor
“Consider helping your partner help you by leveraging their own love language style. Speak to people where they’re at,” advises DeMarco. If you’re asking them to put in effort to help you feel more loved, create more possibility by also being proactive to their own love language and how they can feel loved. By putting forth conscious effort, the relationship will feel more transcendental in its limitlessness.
But Is The ‘words Of Affirmation’ Love Language A Bad Thing
Nope, not at all! You tune in to details, and people love that about you. Because of that, you are someone who’s looking for genuine appreciation or empathy, and if you don’t hear it, you may not feel it. So it’s important to communicate to your partner , that you feel most connected to them when they take the time to give you a heartfelt shoutout.
That’s not to say a throwaway “Love you!” will land, though. You have an ear for B.S., so authenticity is key, says Comaroto. As someone in the Words of Affirmation camp, youre looking out for the specifics in what your partner is saying. Anything less can feel like a platitude and not affirmative at all.
Some simple examples can be “I appreciate X about you,” I am so thankful for having you in my life, and I am so proud of all the hard work you have been doing, says Pataky.
Moody Publishing The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
Moody Publishing The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
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Love Language Criticisms To Consider
The five love languages provide a great framework for understanding your relationship and each other, but they dont necessarily represent exactly how everyone wants to give and show love.
Chances are that you resonate strongly with more than one of the love languages and your partner and other loved ones do, too.
Gender and cultural norms have also shifted quite a bit since the love languages were first introduced, and how we express love and how we want to be loved has shifted right alongside.
While we all have our own ways of expressing love, they dont necessarily fit neatly into one of the five presets laid out in a time when women were historically more likely to serve and men were better equipped financially speaking to give gifts.
If youre looking for better understanding and communication in a relationship, the original love languages can be a good start, but there are other tools you can use.
A survey by Truity, a company offering personality tests, recently shared their finding of seven love styles based on a survey of over 500,000 people. Consider it an updated framework of the original love languages, plus two extras. You can fill out their online quiz to figure out your styles.
Theres also the Routes of Safety model created by Jake Ernst, MSW, RSW, a Toronto-based psychotherapist, thats in his words, trauma-informed love languages.