Different Ways To Show Love And Improve Your Relationship
Have you ever questioned whether your partner still loves you? Youre not alone. You also might be speaking a different love language than your partner.
What are the love languages?
We all give and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. These are called love languages – a concept created by Dr. Gary Chapman through his long-time work as a marriage counsellor.
When words of affirmation is your love language, words build you up. You thrive on spoken affection, praise, encouragement, and compliments. Harsh words and criticism can bother you for a long time.
Anything that your partner does willingly to ease your workload is a sign of love to you. You feel cared for when your partner vacuums before you get to it or makes you breakfast as a surprise. On the other hand, broken promises or laziness can make you feel unimportant.
When you speak this love language, a thoughtful gift shows to you that you are special. In contrast, generic gifts and forgotten special events have the opposite effect. This love language isnt necessarily materialistic it could be as simple as receiving your favourite snack after a bad day.
To you, nothing says youre loved like undivided attention. When your partner is truly present , it makes you feel important. Failure to actively listen or long periods without one-on-one time can make you feel unloved.
Many People Misuse The Languages
Some people get a bit competitive about using love languages, which can actually strain a relationship. For example, partners might start keeping track of all the times they use their partner’s love language and compare it to how many times their partner used theirs.
Love languages can be a way to open up communication and compassion, but you shouldn’t use them as games or weapons against your partner. Some people continue to use their own language to show they careâand that’s OK.
You can be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share your love language. Try to be understanding and open. You can recognize and appreciate your partnerâs actions even if they donât match your own language perfectly.
Reception Of Five Love Languages
As with most concepts that are so widely known and adapted over generations and cultures, Chapmans original five love languages have received a bit of criticism. Some say that the concept of love languages promotes co-dependency and prevents partners from developing autonomy and authenticity. Others are a bit harsher, claiming that the five love languages focus too heavily on heteronormative Christian couples and are exclusive of modern couples, like LGBTQIA+, interracial, or straight couples who do not practice traditional gender roles.
Love Language Quiz: What Is My Love Language
To find your type, read the following statements and mark the ones that deeply resonate with you. Filter it through: How do you show love? What do you complain about in a relationship? What do you request or actively need from your partner on a day-to-day basis? The one with the most statements you resonate with is your primary love language. If two or more languages are tied for first place , use the process of elimination and work your way down the list until you are left with one or two languages that you are not willing to part with.
Helps To Resolve Conflicts
Conflicts can often happen in relationships when communication breaks down. However, if both parties understand each others love language, this can help resolve any conflicts that may arise. Because they will be able to understand where the other person is coming from, they will be able to communicate better and hopefully resolve the situation.
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How Many Love Languages Are There
There are at least twenty-six known love languages. However, this number may be as high as eighty-six.
A love language is an emotional need that is not necessarily expressed in words. People who have a love language have been found to communicate more effectively with people who share their love language.
Some of the more common love languages are Words of Affirmation , Acts of Service , Receiving Gifts , and Quality Time .
Each person has a unique love language and the best way to know what your love language is is to take the The Love Language Quiz at www.lovely.
Acts Of Service Are The Best One
The idea that acts of service are the best way to show someone you love them is something that has been around for centuries. It is one of the seven love languages. Each person has a different way they need to be loved, and acts of service are the best way to show someone you care. There are many ways to show someone you love them, and acts of service are one of the most effective.
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Receiving Gifts As A Love Language
Receiving gifts is the final love language. It needs to be said that this love language is not reserved for the greedy or so-called gold diggers.
For someone whose love language is gifts, it goes way beyond just wanting stuff. For this person, its all about the meaning behind the gift and the thought that went into it. No diamonds or luxury cars are required.
Signs that receiving gifts is your love language:
- When it comes to gift-giving, you put in the time to choose the most thoughtful gift.
- You treasure everything a partner gives you, no matter how small.
- Youre hurt when someone you love doesnt commemorate an event with a thoughtful token.
Showing love through gifts isnt about extravagance. A small memento will be just as appreciated because big or small, a gift is a tangible reminder that they were thought of and are loved.
Here are some ways to show love to someone whose love language is receiving gifts:
- Picking up their favorite pastry or candy on your way home.
- Surprising them with flowers whether store-bought or picked from the side of the road.
- Giving them a thoughtful greeting card just because.
- Bringing your BFF a keepsake from your early friendship, like a picture from your first road trip.
- Choosing gifts that are personal to your relationship.
Physical Touch As A Love Language
Physical touch is the third love language. Lets be clear that this is appropriate, consensual physical touch, which looks different depending on the situation and the type of relationship you have with the person.
For people whose love language is physical touch, expressing and receiving love through physical contact is important. Touch is the way they connect and feel connected with others.
Physical contact might be your love language if:
- You feel lonely or disconnected when you dont get physical affection from your partner.
- You feel especially loved when a partner randomly kisses you or holds you.
- You consider yourself a touchy-feely person and enjoy PDA.
Obviously, the way you can and should touch others really comes down to the relationship you share. Expressing affection through physical touch can happen through small physical gestures, like a hug or snuggling. If appropriate, it can also involve more intimate contact like kissing, and yes, sexual activities.
Here are some examples of expressing love through physical touch:
- Kissing a partner hello and goodbye.
- Being generous with your affection, including in public.
- Spending some time cuddling in bed before and after sleep.
- Prioritizing sex, even if you have to schedule it.
- Using touch when comforting them, such as placing your hand on theirs or holding them.
Again, consent is a must. Only touch someone or use these examples if theyve conveyed theyre wanted and welcome.
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What Are The 5 Different Love Languages
There are five different love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Each person expresses love in a different way, and what someone needs in order to feel loved can vary greatly.
Some people may need words of affirmation the most, while others may need acts of service. Others may appreciate gifts, while others may need quality time.
And still others may want physical touch. The important thing is to understand what someone needs in order to feel loved, and to give that to them in a way that feels comfortable and satisfying.
What Are The Seven Languages Of Love
The seven languages of love is an essay written by Dr. Gary Chapman. In the essay, Dr. Chapman discusses the seven different ways in which people express and experience love.
He argues that everyone has a primary love language, which is the way in which they most prefer to receive love. The seven love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and spending time together in an intimate setting.
Expression Of Affection And Love
We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Murdoch
I am always surprised that this is not a stand-alone love language on its own in the book.
You should be in a relationship where you feel loved by your partner, and where there is affection between the two of you, or amongst all of you if you are polyamorous.
I have a friend who believes expressing love and affection towards his partner makes him look weak to his peers.
On the contrary, when you do something with sincere affection, you should always celebrate it. Everything born of the heart is blessed.
Love is never lost. It flows and softens, and purifies the heart.
As Lao Tzu is quoted to have said, being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Couples who are truly in love express their affection and love for each other.
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Tests Taken In The Last 30 Days
This free quiz reveals how you prefer to give and receive love. The concept of love languages was created by couples counselor Dr. Gary Chapman, who observed that people differ in what sort of interactions make them feel loved. Dr. Chapman described 5 love languages, however our research on over 500,000 volunteers indicates there are actually seven distinct ways of showing love. This quiz measures your preference for all 7 of these modern love styles.
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Acts Of Service As A Love Language
Acts of service is the fourth love language, and this one will resonate if you believe with your heart of hearts that actions always speak louder than words.
These are some signs that acts of service may be your love language:
- Youre over the moon when a partner helps you with a chore without having to be asked.
- Youre the person who shows up for a friend having a bad day.
- Youre always ready to jump in and do things for the people you care about.
Acts of service arent about grand gestures, but rather thoughtful gestures that serve them, like pouring them a coffee in the morning, or running an errand for your busy friend or loved one.
Here are examples of ways you can use acts of service to love on others:
- Taking them to dinner without it being a special occasion or asked for.
- Drawing a partner a bubble bath without any sexpectations.
- Offering to babysit for a friend so they can enjoy a much-deserved break.
- Letting them choose which movie to watch, even if its Star Wars and you hate Star Wars.
- Picking up their favorite flowers/soap/wine/chocolate/whatever, just because.
Love Language Criticisms To Consider
The five love languages provide a great framework for understanding your relationship and each other, but they dont necessarily represent exactly how everyone wants to give and show love.
Chances are that you resonate strongly with more than one of the love languages and your partner and other loved ones do, too.
Gender and cultural norms have also shifted quite a bit since the love languages were first introduced, and how we express love and how we want to be loved has shifted right alongside.
While we all have our own ways of expressing love, they dont necessarily fit neatly into one of the five presets laid out in a time when women were historically more likely to serve and men were better equipped financially speaking to give gifts.
If youre looking for better understanding and communication in a relationship, the original love languages can be a good start, but there are other tools you can use.
A survey by Truity, a company offering personality tests, recently shared their finding of seven love styles based on a survey of over 500,000 people. Consider it an updated framework of the original love languages, plus two extras. You can fill out their online quiz to figure out your styles.
Theres also the Routes of Safety model created by Jake Ernst, MSW, RSW, a Toronto-based psychotherapist, thats in his words, trauma-informed love languages.
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How Do You Know What Your Love Languages Are
Everyones love language may be different. However, there are some general factors that may help you determine your love language.
First, take a look at the things that make you feel loved and appreciated. Are you more drawn to receiving compliments, receiving gifts, or receiving physical touch? If so, your love language may be expressed through receiving compliments, gifts, or physical touch.
Secondly, consider what your partner does that makes you feel loved. Does your partner constantly make you feel appreciated? Does your partner go out of their way to do things for you? If so, your love language may be expressed through acts of service, being appreciated, or receiving physical touch.
Finally, think about what words or phrases your partner uses to communicate love to you. Does your partner say I love you often? Does your partner make you breakfast in bed? If so, your love language may be expressed through words of affirmation, being made breakfast in bed, or receiving physical touch.
Love Languages Create Empathy
As you learn more about how your partner experiences love, you learn to empathize with them. It helps you step outside of yourself for a moment and take a look at what makes another person feel significant and loved.
When couples are committed to learning and using the love languages, they increase their emotional intelligence and learn how to put someone else’s needs above their own. Instead of speaking their own love language to their partner, they learn how to speak in a language that their partner understands.
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When You Truly Love Someone You Open Up Your Heart
Love is the closest thing we have to magic. Aquamarine
Different individuals express love differently depending on their interpretation of it, their environment, and many other complex factors. We assume others show love in the same way that we do. And if they do not, we worry they do not love us.
Dr Gary Chapman is a renowned American author and radio talk show host. He became prominent for his series titled The Five Love Languages regarding human relationships, with a focus on romantic relationships.
I am an avid reader. When I first read Dr Garys best-selling novel the 5 Love Languages, I was a naive teenager who was skeptical about everything concerning love. The book claimed to share the secret to a love that lasts. I read it out of curiosity for its popularity.
In reality, at the time, I thought people who claimed to feel butterflies in their stomachs because of love were pretentious. I thought people mistook infatuation and lust for being in love.
I thought love was best experienced purely platonic non-judgemental, and without expectations to become anything more.
I now understand what it means to be in love. I understand the difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I know how to look out for the clues that my partner truly adores me. Most important, I have learned how to love beyond the 5 love languages the book shared.
My top language gifts.
What is your own and your partners love language?
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They May Lead To Pressure On Partners
Many people talk about love languages in the context of committed relationships or marriage. Remember that learning and understanding your own love language is an important tool for you to practice self-love.
You want to avoid putting too much pressure on your partner to consistently express your love language to you.
One study found that the biggest obstacle for couples who were using each other’s love languages was that the recipient often didn’t recognize that their partner was trying to use their love language. It’s crucial that the recipient recognizes their partner’s efforts, even if they don’t exactly meet expectations.
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What Are The 7 Love Languages With Examples
Are you and your partner speaking the same love language? If not, what might be the issue? This article will explore the seven love languages and what each one is about. After that, we will give you examples of how each can be expressed in a relationship. Hopefully, this will help you figure out which one your partner speaks of and how to best comfort them.
There are many ways to show love, but some people express affection differently than others. If youre unsure how to show your loved one that you care, it might be helpful to know their love language. This person loves to hear their partner say things like youre amazing, I love you, etc.
There are seven primary love languages, Acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, physical touch, and being listened to. Some people may be primarily or exclusively express in one of these ways, while others may benefit from a blend of several. While each person is unique, understanding and speaking your partners love language can help create a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship.