Love Language : Words Of Affirmation
Ask yourself, how do you feel when you hear your partner offer encouraging, positive, and affirming words, and compliments?
Examples: Your partner congratulates you, tells you “great job!”, tells you that you look attractive, or thanks you for something?
If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, words of affirmation may be your primary love language.
Practical Uses For Love Languages
Knowing the love languages of your children can be useful in daily interactions as well as special circumstances.
Trying to decide what to do for a childs upcoming birthday? Love languages to the rescue!
If they love quality time, maybe consider a one-on-one date instead of an expensive gift.
Is your child having a hard day at school? What insight can their love language give you?
A words of affirmation child would love a sweet note in their lunch box while a meaningful gift child would love a special bookmark or fidget toy packed in their backpack.
Need help thinking of ideas? Check out this crowd-sourced list of ways parents speak to their childs love language.
Identifying Triggers In Your Marriage
They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lias story, youll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!
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Love Languages Promote Selflessness
When you are committed to learning someone else’s love language, you are focused on their needs rather than your own. This is the central premise of Chapman’s theory. Couples should work to learn their partner’s love language rather than trying to convince their partner to learn theirs. Ideally, both people will want to express love in a way that is meaningful to the other.
The entire purpose of exploring your love languages together is to learn how to love your partner in a way that is meaningful to them.
The 5 Languages Of Love
Firstly, do you want to love?
Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to give your love to anyone.
Monogamous love between two partners — in its all encompassing, day-dream provoking, passion-stirring as depicted in epic poetry and modern rom-coms alike — is a choice. As Bell Hooks says in her analytical assessment of the heart in New Visions: All About Love:
Love is an act of will — namely both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love.
When we look at love as a choice which we continually make over and over again, rather than a default state, we infuse the relationship with personal agency. The awareness of choice offers us a greater opportunity to love immensely and complexly, because it comes from the place of actively deciding to offer love to another.
Once we become aware of choice and affirm that we do in fact want to love, we then get to decide how we go about showing our love to another.
Secondly, how do you love?
There are five main expressions, or languages, of love. We show and receive love differently, and understanding the way you most authentically offer love as well as feel satisfied by the love you receive can help you to better navigate your romantic relationships. Youve already chosen love, so now you get to decide the way in which that shows up for you.
The 5 Languages of Love:
- Words of Affirmation — Hearing or offering assurance through words.
- Physical Touch — Love manifested as intimacy and presence.
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You And Your Partner Do Not Have To Speak The Same Love Languages
Experts reveal that you and your partner do not need to speak the same love language for your relationship to thrive. Your emotional needs can be met when you have a clear grasp of each others love language.
Paying attention to your partner over time will help you deduce his or her love language. Many conflicts in relationships arise when people think their partners are deliberately denying them love by not expressing love to them in their unique love language.
Having a different love language from that of your partner enriches your relationship with multiple expressions of love. In instances where your differences in love expressions are becoming an issue, its best to resolve the situation through communication. Openness about what you want from each other will provide insight into what you both desire.
At The Heart Of Every Man Is A Desire To Master What Matters
Getting a compliment at work or on the court is nice, but nothing beats hearing your spouse say, “You make me feel loved.” If you haven’t heard that in a while or feel like you are not bringing your A-game into your relationship, this book is for you.
The 5 Love Languages® has sold 20 MILLION COPIES because it is simple, practical, and effective. In this edition, Gary Chapman speaks straight to men about the rewards of speaking their wife’s love language. You’ll learn each language, how to identify your wife’s, and how to speak it clearly. Packed with helpful illustrations and creative pointers, these pages will rouse your inner champion and empower you to master the art of love.
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Giving Up Sugar Tasting God’s Goodness
As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still pedaling away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.
Identifying A Love Language
Every person has a way they feel the most loved.
When you are first learning about love languages, it is important to know your preferred language in addition to those in your closest relationships.
There are two ways to discover a love language.
- For older children, teens, and adults, we recommend taking a simple quiz. This can be done online, or our free quiz can be printed and completed by each member of your family.
- For young children, we recommend good old-fashioned sleuthing on the part of the parents. As you learn about the 5 languages, they will become easier to recognize in your children.
Does your child always cuddle up to you if you sit down or ask for back scratches at bedtime? You probably have a kid who loves physical touch.
Does your child treasure birthday cards filled with sweet sentiments from relatives? Your child might love words of affirmation.
Things to remember:
- Every person will have a primary love language that goes straight to the heart, but it does not mean that the other four types of love should be completely eliminated or ignored.
- As your child grows and develops, so will their love languages. Plan on re-taking the quiz as your child grows and their needs change.
- There are no incompatible love languages, only opportunities to love each other.
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Praying Scripture Over Your Childs Life
Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. Shes been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.
They May Lead To Pressure On Partners
Many people talk about love languages in the context of committed relationships or marriage. Remember that learning and understanding your own love language is an important tool for you to practice self-love.
You want to avoid putting too much pressure on your partner to consistently express your love language to you.
One study found that the biggest obstacle for couples who were using each other’s love languages was that the recipient often didn’t recognize that their partner was trying to use their love language. It’s crucial that the recipient recognizes their partner’s efforts, even if they don’t exactly meet expectations.
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Why Love Languages Are Important
Have you ever visited a country where you didnt speak the language?
Or even a country where you did speak the language but talk of placing the groceries in the boot thoroughly confused you?!
It is so incredibly frustrating to be misunderstood.
Now imagine these same language barriers in our closest relationships when we are simply trying to show love.
This is why it is essential to understand the love languages of our loved ones. It helps us express and accept love in ways that strengthen and deepen our connection with the people around us.
Parents! Its so much easier to fill your childs little heart with love if you speak and understand their language!
Understanding The Root Of Your Child’s Misbehavior
Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their childs behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your childs temperament based on his birth order.
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Quality Time As A Love Language
Quality time is the second love language and its precisely what you think: appreciating spending quality time together.
A person whose love language is quality time may feel most loved and appreciated when people they care about make time to be together and give their undivided attention.
Quality time may be one of your love languages if:
- You feel disconnected when you dont spend enough time with a partner.
- Not spending enough time with your partner affects your libido.
- You work hard at making time to spend with others.
Quality time looks different to everyone. Some people value a few minutes of dedicated time to just sit and relax together at the end of the day. For others, quality time means setting aside time to enjoy activities together.
No matter what youre doing, quality time requires being completely present and free of distractions.
Here are some examples of expressing your love through quality time:
- Cuddling together in bed for a few minutes every morning before getting up.
- Making a point of having a date night every week.
- Scheduling time to hang with your BFF, no matter how busy you both are.
- Turning off your phone when youre having a conversation or doing something together.
- Creating a ritual, like meeting for lunch once a week or taking a walk after dinner.
Identifying Triggers In Your Marriage Part 1
They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lias story, youll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!
Its Never Too Late To Start Loving Better
Dating, married, single, or simply looking for better ways to connect with others? Theres a book for you!
They love each other, right? Then why do they always feel like they’re not on the same page?
The most common issue in any relationship is the communication barrier. Everyone experiences love differently, and it’s easy to miss the mark when it comes to showing that you care.
In his early years as a marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman noticed that over and over, couples voiced similar complaints regarding their marriage.
One spouse would say something like, “I feel like he doesn’t love me.”
And the other would protest, “I don’t know what else to do. I’m doing everything I should be doing.”
Recognizing this pattern and remembering the rocky start in his own marriage, Dr. Chapman pored three years of session notes.
He asked himself, “When someone’s saying, ‘I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me,’ what did they want?”
Surprisingly, their answers fell into five different categories, revealing a unique approach for how to effectively love another person.
The premise is simple: Different people, with different personalities, give and receive love in different ways. Dr. Chapman called these ways of expressing and receiving love “The 5 Love Languages®.” He even wrote a best-selling book about it.
This revolutionary concept has improved millions of relationships across the globe.
How To Determine Your Love Language
There are some giveaway signs that you favor one love language over the others, suggests The 5 Love Languages. Think about how you express affection and respond to your partners displays of affection. See if you recognize yourself or your partner in any of these categories.
- Gifts You show love and care with gifts, put extra time and effort into finding the perfect gift, and enjoy receiving gifts yourself.
- Acts of service You look for ways to be helpful, like finishing the chores, making dinner, or running important errands and you appreciate when your partner does the same for you.
- Words of affirmation You value sharing your emotions and hearing your partner talk about theirs. You make an effort to offer reassurance to your partner, and compliments are a key to your heart.
- Quality time You come up with a bunch of ideas about what you and your partner can do when youre together. You appreciate it when your partner gives you their full attention without distractions.
- Physical touch You like to cuddle, touch, and kiss. When youre upset, a hug calms you down more than words.
Another great way to figure out which love language you and your partner prefer is to take Chapmans love language quiz. This quiz is highly effective, and I recommend it to all my couples, says Richard Heller, a trained mediator and relationship counselor in New York City.
Love Language #: Words Of Affirmation
Those of us whose love language is words of affirmation prize verbal connection. They want to hear you say precisely what you appreciate or admire about them. For example: I really loved it when you made dinner last night Wow, it was so nice of you to organize that neighborhood bonfire or just I love you.
For the people in your life that youre not seeing in person because of the pandemic, you could film a short video to send them. My kindergarten-aged goddaughter and I havent been together in 7+ months, but we text each other silly videos of us saying or even singing what we miss most about each other.
And for the people you are seeing all of the time these days, remember that even making tiny gestures matters. This is my primary love language, and my husband of 29 years knows it. Ill often wake up and go into the kitchen to find a sweet post-it note next to a glass of ice water on the counter .
Embracing Your Role As A Spouse
As a spouse, you have three roles to playa friend, a partner, and a lover. On this one-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Pastor Kevin A. Thompson explores those different roles and challenges you to live them out by investing emotionally, physically, and mentally in your relationship. As friends, he suggests we learn to play and laugh together. As partners, he equips us with solid ways to handle conflict and communication. As lovers, he offers some thoughts on how to bring back the sizzle. He shares five keys to saving your marriage: humility, respect, mercy, communication, and resilience. Youll be encouraged to intentionally invest in your marriage.
How Love Languages Benefit Relationships
We all express and receive love differently. Learning and understanding those differences can have a meaningful impact on your relationship. According to Chapman, this is one of the simplest ways to improve your relationships. Here are some other ways learning your respective love languages could be beneficial.
Love Language : Acts Of Service
Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner helps you with tasks that reduce your burden or ease your stress?
Examples: Your partner does a chore for you, runs an errand for you, or takes care of something without having to be asked?
If these things make you feel the most loved and happier, acts of service may be your primary love language.
The Different Love Languages
In 1995, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book entitled, The Five Love Languages. Since then, the book has become more and more popular.
Dr. Chapman believes that all five love languages should be incorporated into your relationship. However, to get the most out of your relationship, its important to focus on knowing what both you and your mates favorite action is to get the best reaction.
Lets learn about the five love languages.
Love In Every Season: Understanding The Four Stages Of A Healthy Relationship
Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether youre single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.