Chapter One: What Happens To Love After The Wedding
Most couples start facing problems as soon as they get married. To solve them, we have to learn our spouses primary love language. People speak different love languages: we have a primary love language and a secondary language we pick up later in life. To communicate effectively, you and your partner must speak the same language. There are five emotional love languages.
Takeaway #3 Discover Your Love Language
Out of the above 5 love languages, which do you require most often from your partner? Whether it’s quality time together, hearing words of affirmation, touch, your partner doing something for you, or receiving gifts, the thing that makes you feel the most fulfilled is likely to be your primary love language. The things that your partner does or does not do that you find the most hurtful can also lead you to finding your love language If you get upset when they don’t kiss you hello or goodbye, your love language might be touch.
Now that you know your love language, let your partner know! Then, consider your partners love language and do those things that keep his or her love tank filled.
Is The Five Love Languages Worth Reading
We give the book a thumbs up.
* The summary points above have been sourced and summarized from the book, Amazon, and other online publishers. The editor of this summary review made every effort to maintain the accuracy and completeness of any information, including the quotes, chapters, insights, lessons, and key takeaways.
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The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate By Gary Chapman Book Review
A lot of the issues married couples experience now are basically a conclusion of sensing and showing affection in distinct manners. Knowing the distinct tongue of love will enhance transmission in your intercourse, hence improving the emotional health of your spouse and yourself.
Assist your spouse in difficult periods with the best present of all time.
What could be the greatest gift you might give to your spouse? To offer you a clue, its not a new automobile, flowers, or diamonds. It is the presence of self a thing that basically entails supporting your partner, particularly during hard times. Therefore, basically standing near in those hard times such as carrying a baby or a professional revolt has completely been the key. You would be astonished at what an effect you could have by devoting to being there at the times continuing becomes hard.
Love Languages Promote Selflessness
When you are committed to learning someone elses love language, you arefocused on their needs rather than your own. This is the central premise of Chapmans theory. Couples should work to learn their partners love language rather than trying to convince their partner to learn theirs. Ideally, both people will want to express love in a way that is meaningful to the other.
The entire purpose of exploring your love languages together is to learn how to love your partner in a way that is meaningful to them.
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Lessons From 5 Love Language Book
After reading the book, there are a lot of things I have learned. However, I would just like to share this lesson, which I believe is something we all need to take note of.
The lesson is this:
Love is a choice.
True love isnt simply a fuzzy and warm feeling you have inside you. Love is a choice because when the reality of marriage hits you, you will soon realize that a lot of expectations are not met.
There are times when you will not feel the love you used to have with your spouse. There are times as well that you will hate your spouse. Not only that, there are times when you wish you were in a different situation.
Thats why love is a CHOICE. You choose to still love your spouse even if the feeling isnt there. You still choose to love even if you dont feel like it.
Remember that marriage brings two entirely different people. They have different upbringings, personalities, and habits.
There will come a time when the two will clash. Marital misunderstanding and fights are not a question of if, but when.
Conflicts are bound to happen.
In those moments, you will need to choose whether to still love your spouse or not.
This is what true love means.
True love demands great effort, discipline, and conscious decision.
We may all have different love languages. We feel and express love in different ways. Thats why you must be willing to speak the love language of your spouse even if you dont feel like it.
Now, heres the good news.
Again, love is a choice.
Summary & Review Of The 5 Love Languages Book
Gary Chapmans The 5 Love Languages book has sold over 20 million copies, has been a #1 New York Times Bestseller for several years running and has celebrated its 25th anniversary. Now, thats a special book!
The 5 Love Languages gives you the keys and the power to transform your relationships. It should be read by everyone, and it may pertain to any type of relationship.
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The 5 Love Languages Summary Chapter : Love Language: Receiving Gifts
Youâve heard the phrase, âItâs the thought that counts.â For the person with the love language of receiving gifts, that thought means more than anything else in the relationship.
A gift is a representation of thought. When you choose a gift for someone, you consider who they are and what they like. When you receive a gift, you know that person was thinking about you.
The act of obtaining and giving a gift symbolizes effort. The receiver of the gift feels love because that effort was made for them. It is not the size of the gift that matters. The gesture is everything.
Think about gifts you gave your parents as a child. Or, if you are a parent, think about how you feel when your child draws you a picture or makes you breakfast in bed. It warms the heart to feel that kind of love from them. It makes you feel special. You know their love is real and deep.
A gift can be considered a tangible symbol of love. The person with this language cherishes that symbol. Seeing it and feeling it reminds them of your love. If there is no tangible evidence of your love, your partner may have a hard time feeling it or believing in it.
**The type of gift holds little
Shortform Exercise: How Has Your Love Changed
You now know that losing the high of falling in love is universal and nothing to be ashamed of. From this position, you can examine the ways in which love has been created or lost in your relationship.
Think about falling in love with your partner. Name one feeling or action by your partner you recognize as causing that sensation to dwindle?
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How Love Saves A Marriage
Can emotional love be reborn in a marriage? You bet. The key is to learn the primary love language of your spouse and choose to speak it. Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages
When you feel truly loved by your spouse, its like a buffer against the rest of the world. No matter what else is happening, you have a secure, loving relationship to count on. It reminds you that you have value, and that you are important. It gives you a foundation from which you can work on challenges.
Sometimes the simple process of asking two battling spouses what they want from each other can lead to discoveries and actions that rescue their marriage. A wife who thinks that since her husband said he likes cooking so she has always left the cooking to him may be surprised to find he hates having to cook after a long day of work. A simple fix of sharing the job, or doing the cooking for him during the weekdays can speak volumes to the husband, and end the resentment.
Speaking a spouses love language can be especially hard when the relationship is in serious trouble. Choosing to love someone when you feel no love is hard to do. The only way to see if loving your spouse will save the marriage is to learn your spouses primary love language and speak it for a period of time so that his or her emotional need for love was met.
Chapter Two: Keeping The Love Tank Full
Love is important but confusing. Its essential to emotional health. Mankind exists to be intimate and loved. Marriage exists to achieve intimacy and love. It is said that people who have serious emotional issues behave in strange and hurtful ways because their love tank is empty. The author says that in order for a couple to be happy, both members need their love tanks full.
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How Can I Talk A Love Language Im Not Familiar With
Anyone can learn to speak any of the 5 love languages. All it takes is practice!
The best way to work out what other people want is to ask and experiment.
Here are some thought-starters to help get you started
Words of affirmation examples:
- Verbal compliments: You look great!
- Encouraging words: You can do this!
- Kind words: I love you., I care about you, I forgive you.
- Humble words: Could you help me ?, share the credit.
- Indirect words: Affirm the other person to and in front of others.
Quality time examples:
- Quality sharing: Opening up and being vulnerable.
- Quality activities: Doing something together that youre both interested in sharing.
Receiving gifts examples:
- Physical gifts: Buy, make or find something that reminds them theyre appreciated.
- Remembered gifts: Take notes whenever they mention they love something.
- Lasting tributes: Donate to a charity or cause in their name.
- : A book or a quality activity you can both share.
- The gift of self: Show up when they think it really counts.
Acts of service examples:
Note: Ask the other person often what kinds of and specific acts of service would be meaningful to them so you dont waste time performing acts that they dont value.
- Housework: Cooking meals, vacuuming, paying bills, gardening, fixing things etc
- Loved ones: Look after the other persons relative, pet, cause.
- Interference: Block interruptions and distractions while theyre busy.
Physical touch examples:
The 5 Love Languages Summary Chapter 1: Final Thoughts
You and your partner are different, even if you have been together for a long time. As individuals, you bring your histories and baggage into your relationship. You have expectations for what you want or should receive from your partner. You have different ways of coping with anger and pain. You have different priorities.
When your love tank is full, you can meet your partner in a positive place to deal with your differences. With a full love…
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What Are The New Seven Love Languages
In efforts to be more inclusive and current, Truity, a company that offers a variety of online personality quizzes, released its list of 7 new love languages earlier this year . Truity surveyed over 500,000 people in their study and came up with this list of 7 new love languages: activity, appreciation, emotional, financial, intellectual, physical, and practical. The below definitions are directly from Truitys site:
People who focus on the Activity love language feel special and valued when their partner takes an interest in their hobbies and activities and makes an effort to enjoy hobbies and interests together.
People who focus on the Appreciation love language feel loved when their partner gives them compliments, praise, and thanks. They appreciate hearing explicitly what their partner likes and admires about them.
Those who focus on the Emotional love language feel loved when their partner is able to connect with them and support them through difficult and scary emotions. Being present for the highs and lows is very important to those with the Emotional love language.
People with the Financial love language feel loved when their partner is generous with resources, and sees value in spending money to bring their partner pleasure and joy. This love language may be expressed through gifts, or just making space in the family budget for your partners enjoyment.
Try Some Advanced Strategies
If resentment manages to emerge and bite your head off even after youve deployed the right strategy, try these two advanced approaches.
A Secondary Strategy
Sometimes resentment needs a combo of two strategies: a primary one and a secondary one.
You wont need to use the secondary strategy as much, and it wont work on its own, but doing it every now and again will help.
Narrow Down Your Strategy
Not all actions within a single strategy will have equal effect. Narrow down the strategy within a strategy that gives you the most bang for your buck.
For example, if your partner needs the Give Nice Stuff strategy, regular handwritten letters may work better than boxes of chocolates.
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Are You Ready To Find Out More About Your Love Language
Now that you know about The 5 Love Languages®, you should have a good idea of which one is your primary language. Lets see what yours has to say about you!
The 5 Love Languages: Overview
Like linguistics in communication, people speak different love languages. We have our native love languages that we speak and understand best in, and our secondary language that we are comfortable but less fluent at.
It is possible for couples to love each other, but to feel unloved because they give and receive love differently, i.e. they dont share the same primary emotional love language. After 30 years of marriage counselling, Chapman concluded that there are 5 key emotional love languages, though there are many dialects within these five languages.
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Best Quotes From The 5 Love Languages Book
Here are some of the best quotes worth reading:
What Are The 5 Love Languages
The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, where he describes these five unique styles of communicating love, categories he distilled from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics.
“We all may relate to most of these languages, but each of us has one that speaks to us the most,” marriage and family therapist Sunny Motamedi, Psy.D., tells mbg. “Discovering you and your partner’s primary love language and speaking that language regularly may a better understanding of each other’s needs and support each other’s growth.”
Here’s an overview of each of the five love languages Chapman describes:
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Is There A Sixth Love Language
The video above and articles around the world speak of feeling known as the 6th language. This is about when a partner remembers the little things about who you are and what you enjoy. This has sparked major debate online as many believe that feeling known is just a combination of all the love languages.
What are the 10 languages of love?
10 Examples of the Love LanguagesWords of Affirmation. When was the last time you told your partner how wonderful he is, how much he means to you, and why you love him? Gifts Acts of Service. Quality Time. Physical Touch.
How many love languages can one person have?
The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Each love language exists on a spectrum, and it is possible to learn to speak all five love languages.
What is the most common love language for guys?
Well, the most common love language by far is quality time for both men and women. In fact, its chosen so frequently that its more than twice as common as the second closest response, words of affirmation. When it comes to second place, it was a tie between physical touch and words of affirmation for most men.
What are the 3 stages of love?
The 3 Stages of LoveStage 1: Lust.Stage 2: Attraction.Stage 3: Attachment.