Many People Misuse The Languages
Some people get a bit competitive about using love languages, which can actually strain a relationship. For example, partners might start keeping track of all the times they use their partner’s love language and compare it to how many times their partner used theirs.
Love languages can be a way to open up communication and compassion, but you shouldn’t use them as games or weapons against your partner. Some people continue to use their own language to show they careâand that’s OK.
You can be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share your love language. Try to be understanding and open. You can recognize and appreciate your partnerâs actions even if they donât match your own language perfectly.
A Sure Way To Inject Life Into Your Marriage
My wife and I discovered this book about eight years ago. It is a practical book that touches on a problem most couples experience – different ways of expressing love. Dr. Chapman is equally funny and brilliant on his exposition of the love languages. I have successfully used and practiced the principles he teach in his book not only in my marriage but with dozens of couples I have mentored. It works! Speaking the love language of your spouse will take your marriage to new heights or revive the relationship you’re in. Read it and apply it.
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Its Never Too Late To Start Loving Better
Dating, married, single, or simply looking for better ways to connect with others? Theres a book for you!
They love each other, right? Then why do they always feel like they’re not on the same page?
The most common issue in any relationship is the communication barrier. Everyone experiences love differently, and it’s easy to miss the mark when it comes to showing that you care.
In his early years as a marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman noticed that over and over, couples voiced similar complaints regarding their marriage.
One spouse would say something like, “I feel like he doesn’t love me.”
And the other would protest, “I don’t know what else to do. I’m doing everything I should be doing.”
Recognizing this pattern and remembering the rocky start in his own marriage, Dr. Chapman pored three years of session notes.
He asked himself, “When someone’s saying, ‘I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me,’ what did they want?”
Surprisingly, their answers fell into five different categories, revealing a unique approach for how to effectively love another person.
The premise is simple: Different people, with different personalities, give and receive love in different ways. Dr. Chapman called these ways of expressing and receiving love “The 5 Love Languages®.” He even wrote a best-selling book about it.
This revolutionary concept has improved millions of relationships across the globe.
The Soul Of A New Machine By Tracy Kidder
No matter where you come from or what generation you are associated with, when a software project moves to a batshit crazy release, you’re flying upside down. Tracy Kidder’s story, The Soul of a New Machine, covers the birth of the first 32-bit computer that pushes the register counts in a fantastic journey of human sweat, creativity, and the drive of Tom West to release project Eagle at Data General Corporation in the late 1970s.
You want to read this for a gripping story with real people as if this was fiction. Along the way, all technical items are explained not to alienate the reader. Learn about Tom’s engineering management tactics to motivate the team that ultimately delivers a project after a violent skunk-works development process with engineers who were none the wiser. Sometimes it’s okay to push the envelope. A triumph!
Filling The Love Tank
All of us have an emotional love tank. When we receive love in our primary love language, our love tank is filled and we feel loved. When we dont receive love expressed in our primary love language, our love tank gradually depletes and we feel unloved. When our love tank is empty, issues is the relationship arise.
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Hackers And Painters By Paul Graham
In Hackers and Painters, Paul Graham’s eloquent writing style crystallizes a series of essays about being a nerd, working in technology, startups, and what it means to be a “hacker.” Paul famously said it’s hard to do a good job on anything you don’t think about in the shower. Read this book to understand the origins of being a problem solver. And he is one. Paul founded the machine to fund big ideas that changed an industry into present-day tech. That apparatus is an accelerator called Y Combinator, which birthed unicorns like Airbnb and cemented idea exchange with Reddit and Hacker News.
What Are The 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman is a 40+ year marriage counselor whose premise is this each person understands love primarily in one of five languages:
Have you ever told someone your love for them and been exasperated by his or her response that they just wish you would hug and kiss them more? That would mean you are speaking the words of affirmation love language, but your recipient understands love in the physical touch language.
Or have you ever received a lavish gift from someone but just wished they would have spent the afternoon in your company instead? That would mean you are speaking the quality time love language but your gift giver understands love in the receiving gifts love language. Love conflicts: resolved!
A simple bit of knowledge and mindfulness about a persons love language can help you communicate better and strengthen any relationship. For example, I can picture the love languages being employed by parents with their child, who lack the communication skills to convey their emotional needs.
I highly recommend this quick, but powerful book for anyone looking to improve any type of relationship.
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Hackers: Heroes Of The Computer Revolution By Steve Levy
While Fred was all corporate insideBig Blue, imagine a well-written book of the antiheroes outside. Steve Levy’s book, Hackers: Heroes of the Computer Revolution, captures the imagination of the hacker ethos in chapters logically ordered in a three-part series. Learn about the origins of hackers in the 1950s with the tech model railroad club, the room with the machine called PDP-1, and hacking the first video game, Spacewar! Move to the 1970s, go west to understand microcomputers with Ted Nelson, Homebrew, and social revolution via a bulletin board. To Bill Gates in the desert, Stanford, and the Woz and Steve forming Apple. Finally, move to the early 1980s with game development in a hot tub by Ken Williams at Sierra. In between, they define the hacker’s amorphous motto, “do The Right Thing.“
Read this book on stories about humans who have the pulse on the future. But they did it their playful way, regardless of what others thought about them. You’ll learn what it was like before technology was a primary cultural driver. These hackers made computers do what they shouldn’t, which no one asked for â ages before the Internet became a pinnacle of humanity .
The Book In Three Sentences
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The Secret To Love That Lasts
Between busy schedules and long days, expressing love can fall by the wayside. We forget to compliment, to give gifts just because, to linger in our embrace. The things that say I love you seem to either not get said or not get through. This is a book about saying itand hearing itclearly. No gimmicks. No psychoanalyzing. Just learning to express love in your spouses language.
With over 20 MILLION COPIES SOLD, The 5 Love Languages® has been improving relationships for nearly 30 years. Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor, making this book as practical as it is personable. Get inspired by real life stories and a common sense approach that will teach you to love better.
Love Languages Create Empathy
As you learn more about how your partner experiences love, you learn to empathize with them. It helps you step outside of yourself for a moment and take a look at what makes another person feel significant and loved.
When couples are committed to learning and using the love languages, they increase their emotional intelligence and learn how to put someone else’s needs above their own. Instead of speaking their own love language to their partner, they learn how to speak in a language that their partner understands.
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Love Languages In Everyday Life
According to Chapman, love languages also apply to relationships between parents and children, among coworkers, and among friends. For example, if your child’s primary love language is words of affirmation, they’d like to hear verbal praise or, “I love you.” It’s highly individual: A coworker might feel more appreciated if you use one love language instead of another.
Your love language can also change occasionally. For instance, if you had a bad day at work, you might prefer a hug from your partner rather than an encouraging word.
The key is to regularly communicate and ask what your partner needs to feel cherished, heard, appreciated, and loved. Then, put this into practice.
Love Language #: Receiving Gifts
If this is your primary language, you deeply treasure a gift or gesture that shows you are being thought of, cared for, and prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring you the gift. Gifts are visual symbols of love. You feel hurt by the absence of daily gestures, a missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty/ thoughtless gift.
The value of the gift is often less important than the significance of the gift. If you are not intuitive at giving gifts but your spouses primary language is receiving gifts, you can start by making a list of all the gifts that your spouses has been excited about this will give you an idea of what gifts he/she appreciates.
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Fantastic Book But Note Of Caution With One Chapter
Love the concept, tonnes of practical takeaways. It will make a huge difference to all my future relationships including future partners as well as family members. However an honest comment listening to Chapter 12 Loving the unlovelyIn my own personal experience, to continue giving your body to someone when you hold hurt and resentment towards that person. Not receiving any of your own love language is psychologically damaging and dangerous. I would strongly disagree with this advice. Love is a choice and, so is offering your body. Your body is not there to be taken but given. There is danger in the underlying message of this chapter. I would highly recommend this book but would give that recommendation with cation on this chapter. Hence the four star rating
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Who Is Gary Chapman
Dr. Gary Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor in the United States. He is also a speaker and author who have written tens of books, which include his most popular book, The Five Love Languages.
At the time of this writing, he is the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world to give seminars about relationships and parenting. He also gives radio talks that air on more than 400 stations.
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They Don’t Fix Other Relationship Problems
The five love languages won’t fix all of your relationship issues they are simply one tool of many you can use to improve communication with your partner.
Research shows that couples who use each other’s love languages feel the happiest within their relationships when they also use self-regulation tools to handle their own emotions. While the love languages were a tool, the couples’ accountability for their emotions and behavioral changes contributed the most to their overall happiness.
The Most Common Love Language
Chapman analyzed the results of 10,000 people who took his online quiz in 2010 and found words of affirmation was the most popular language but by a thin margin. In 2018, dating app Hinge analyzed their app and found the most common love language was quality time, by far.
“I personally believe it also depends on gender, culture, customs, and values,” Mahmud-Syed notes. “Certain love languages which are prevalent in the West are much less common in non-Western cultures. For example, in my South Asian culture, directly praising someone is very uncomfortable and often not well received. Instead, praising that person to a third party is more highly valued when they hear about what you said about them through the grapevine. Also, public display of affection between spouses or romantic partners is also a major taboo.”
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How Did You Know This About Me
About a year after graduating from Wheaton College in 1960, Dr. Chapman got married to Karolyn, who, like him, grew up in China Grove, N.C., and went to the same church. When they first met, Dr. Chapman was actually dating her best friend.
In 1967, the couple moved to Winston-Salem, N.C., where Dr. Chapman became a pastor and started offering adult education classes that covered day-to-day advice on matters such as financial planning. In those courses, he would discuss marriage and family, and couples who were struggling would often turn to him for advice, he said.
I really got pushed into counseling, he said. It was not even in my job description when I became a pastor.
As he was helping couples in his professional life, his own marriage was difficult, Dr. Chapman said. He and Ms. Chapman would get into heated arguments over small things. Ms. Chapman, for example, never closed drawers and cabinet doors, which bugged him. And Ms. Chapman expected him to do his fair share of chores around the house which Dr. Chapman did not do. We knew nothing about resolving conflict, he added.
I would tell her how nice she looked, how much I appreciated everything she did, and I would tell her, over and over, I love you, I love you, I love you, he said. But one night she said to me, You keep saying, I love you, but if you love me, why dont you help me?
The Five Love Languages
|The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate|
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1992 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls “love languages”. They are acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.
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It Isnt About Your Love Language Its About Your Partners
A framework meant to help people become more attuned to their partners now gets treated like a personality test.
The idea that there are five distinct love languages may be as familiar to some people today as the idea that there are seven continents, four seasons, or three Stoogeswhich is a pretty spectacular showing, all told, for a concept that was introduced in a 1992 book by a Southern Baptist pastor that was aimed mostly at married Christian couples. The author, Gary Chapman, based his theory that everyone has a primary love language on his own observations as a counselor. Enumerated in the book and now well known to millions, the five love languages are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, giving and receiving gifts, and words of affirmation.
Clearly, the theory resonated: If you were to search for the phrase love language on Twitter, perhaps late on a Wednesday morning, youd likely find more than 50 tweets from the past hour containing the phrase. Some would be jokes: Brunch is my love language. Downtempo experimental bass is my love language. Listening to Dave Ramseys podcast together is my love language. Weed, music, avocado tzatzikiall have been cited as at least one persons self-described love language. Other tweets would be earnest and self-appraising: Hanging out on the couch with him this weekend made me so happyguess my love language is quality time. Almost all of them would also identify or explain the persons own love language.
Negative Reviews Of 5 Love Languages
Personally, I would highly recommend people to read this book and not just the married couples. The book comes with super helpful and practical tips on how to make relationships work.
Now, I went to see what others say about this book. On Amazon, it has a rating of 4.8 out of 5 stars from more than 60,500 reviewers.
So, dominantly, there are a lot of positive reviews. However, there are also those that are negative.
I think the primary reason people dont like this book is that it is written by a Christian. I read the book and I could see that theres a minimal Christian element in the book. Although, you can easily surmise that it is written by a Christian fellow.
With this in mind, if you dont believe in God, then this book isnt for it. If you dont mind a little Christianity in the book, then I would suggest you still read it.
Moreover, some reviewers say that the book is old-fashioned and should also include non-traditional marriage settings like homosexual marriages.
Well, if thats what they want, then they should not read this book. It is ridiculous to read a book and expect it to conform to your values and give it a negative review simply because it didnt meet your belief.
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