Gary Chapman’s Love Languages

The Truity Love Languages Quiz

I took the quiz on Truitys site. I am in a relationship, and I found that the questions were a bit difficult to answer without taking what I know about my partner into consideration. Things like, If your partner had a bad day, rank these 4 things in order of what you would do when they came home.

Having been in a relationship for a significant chunk of my life now, it was nearly impossible for me to answer how I would respond to this situation, versus how I know my partner would like for me to respond. For example, I know my partner isnt the lets talk about it kind of person. Hes an Enneagram 5, also a test Truity offers. He would much prefer to decompress alone and then spend quality time together once hes had time to sort through his thoughts. Me? Im the lets talk about it all right now! kind of person. So, the answers were difficult to sort because, had I not known that about my partner, I may have selected what I thought was best, my way of dealing with things. I feel like this may have skewed the results a bit.

Get Practical Tips For How To:

• Express love to your teen effectively

• Navigate the key issues in your teens life, including anger and independence

• Set boundaries that are enforced with discipline and consequences

• Support and love your teen when he or she fails

Get ready to discover how the principles of the five love languages can really work in the life of your teenage and family.

The 5 Love Languages According To Gary Chapman

28 February, 2018

We all know that there are thousands of ways to express love, love languages. Therefore, its likely that weve all had to deal with someone who expresses their love differently than us. However, that doesnt make the love any less true or real. And then, sometimes we come across people who seem to not love at all. But here, theyre still just using an unfamiliar language.

Love, just like language, has many nuances. Thats why, in 1995 Gary Chapman described the 5 love languages he believes exist.He included both the way one expresses love and the way one receives it.

Each person tends to have two love languages were most comfortable expressing ourselves in and feeling loved by. One person might prefer expressing love with one love language, but prefer receiving it through another. The 5 love languages this author describes are as follows:

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Its all very well sharing the same house or apartment, but what really matters is the time spent together, just the two of you . Whats important is the absence of external problems. So, I leave my worries on the doorstep, I turn off my smartphone and I dedicate time to the person I love. I create time in my timetable so that I can give my partner my full attention. No need to complicate things and go to a restaurant , the simple act of hugging them, speaking to them about things, listening to them, going for a walk together, is enough to show them how important they are to you.

Beyond The Five Love Languages

Now that we have a clear understanding of Gary Chapmans Five Love Languages, lets talk about how theyve been received and how they have changed since 1992. Chapman himself will be the first to admit that his five love languages are just a framework. They are a place to start, not an all-encompassing, exclusive way to love those in your life. Hes adapted his original book for couples to books on the love languages for children, singles, teenagers, men, and even one specifically for military service members. Hes created podcasts, radio shows, and conferences on the topic. Counselors, relationship experts, and even employers all over the world have turned to Chapmans concept as a guide for understanding how humans connect with one another.

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Chapter Six: Love Language #: Receiving Gifts

Giving gifts as part of the love marriage process is part of most cultures. A gift is a symbol of someones love. Whats important isnt the money it costs, but the fact that the person who bought it was thinking about you. This is one of the easiest love languages to learn because you can buy, find or make gifts. If receiving gifts is the other persons primary love language, spending money on them is an investment. You can also give someone the gift of self which means being there for them when they need you. When you need the presence of the other person, verbalize it.

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The Word Love Is Used In A Thousand Different Ways

What are some of the ways that you express the love that you feel?

Often when we try to put words into action, it doesn’t always translate how we intended it to. And what may feel like loving behavior for one person, may not appear to be loving for another. How often do you hear parents who overindulge their children, referring to this behavior in terms of love? A family therapist might argue that this is just irresponsible parenting. Furthermore, love may also be used to justify and deny a partner’s problematic behavior, such as excessive drinking for example. Outsiders may see this act of turning a blind eye, not as love, but as enabling an unhealthy behavior.

We can’t eliminate the confusing nuances of love, but we can learn how to understand the different kinds of love. These different kinds of love are essential to us, and to those around us. Emotional wellbeing is linked to how we’re loved, and the psychiatrist Ross Campbell argues that, children have an emotional tank that needs to be filled with love, and this need is something that follows us into adulthood.

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They May Lead To Pressure On Partners

Many people talk about love languages in the context of committed relationships or marriage. Remember that learning and understanding your own love language is an important tool for you to practice self-love.

You want to avoid putting too much pressure on your partner to consistently express your love language to you.

One study found that the biggest obstacle for couples who were using each other’s love languages was that the recipient often didn’t recognize that their partner was trying to use their love language. It’s crucial that the recipient recognizes their partner’s efforts, even if they don’t exactly meet expectations.

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Between busy schedules and long days, expressing love can fall by the wayside. We forget to compliment, to give gifts just because, to linger in our embrace. The things that say I love you seem to either not get said or not get through. This is a book about saying itand hearing itclearly. No gimmicks. No psychoanalyzing. Just learning to express love in your spouses language.

With over 20 MILLION COPIES SOLD, The 5 Love Languages® has been improving relationships for nearly 30 years. Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor, making this book as practical as it is personable. Get inspired by real life stories and a common sense approach that will teach you to love better.

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Love Languages Create Empathy

As you learn more about how your partner experiences love, you learn to empathize with them. It helps you step outside of yourself for a moment and take a look at what makes another person feel significant and loved.

When couples are committed to learning and using the love languages, they increase their emotional intelligence and learn how to put someone else’s needs above their own. Instead of speaking their own love language to their partner, they learn how to speak in a language that their partner understands.

Whats Your Dominant Love Language

While all of the love languages are important, which one resonates most profoundly with you?

Understanding how you try to show love, or what you value and appreciate most from your partner, may help you to determine your love language. Alternatively, you could try to think about some of the ways youve been made to feel loved in the past. The secret is, that once you know your love language, then youll be able to communicate with your partner, and find out what makes them feel valued and cared for. Maybe they have the same love language as you, or maybe you need to learn how to speak their language?

To dive into more depth on this topic, you could take the quiz on Dr. Chapmans website, five love languages dot com.

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The 5 Love Languages Marriage Conference

Whether youve been married six months or sixty years, every marriage can use a boost. In this popular one-day conference led by Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages®, you and your spouse will focus on the basics of every marriage. With wisdom and a healthy dose of humor, Dr. Chapman gives valuable tips on breaking unhealthy patterns and choosing to develop a more intimate, happy marriage.

How To Determine Your Partners Love Language

Ideally, both partners will read the book, take the quiz, and learn about their love languages together.

If this isn’t possible, Chapman suggests asking yourself:

• How does your partner most often express love to others?
• What does your partner complain about most often?
• What does your partner request most often?

Chapman also proposes a five-week experiment, that includes the following:

Did you notice more positive responses during any of the weeks? If so, Chapman says that’s likely their primary love language.

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The Psychology Behind The 5 Love Languages

Over 20 years after its original debut, Dr. Gary Chapmans Five Love Languages remains highly discussed and circulated in academic and interpersonal circles alike — and for good reason. Dr. Chapman dissects the principles behind communicating love, which remains relevant and useful in many different types of relationships, from family and friends to romantic partners. Readers and psychologists are in agreement that the qualitative research collected from over 30 years of marriage counseling points to useful, practical applications from which we can all benefit. Lets take a deeper look at each love language and the psychology that makes each so sound.

Limitations Of The 5 Love Languages Model

There are important limitations to the love languages model that need to be considered, including:

• Chapman’s theory is directed toward heterosexual spouses. The nature and language is heteronormative, and gender stereotypes are sometimes used. Relationships with more than two partners are also not considered.
• Love languages may not be enough to address relationship problems. More counseling may be needed, potentially using the love languages as a tool.
• The model may be too simplistic and broad, lacking nuance and not adequately addressing things like trauma, attachment style, or other major influences.
• It has the potential to be misused, such as a person demanding their partner engage in behaviors or activities they are not comfortable with in order to “prove their love,” or making the other person feel guilty for not doing so.
• The love languages are based on American norms that don’t always translate to other cultures. For example, in some cultures, gift giving can be viewed as “buying affection,” and public displays of affection are taboo in some cultures.

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What’s Your Dominant Love Language

While all of the love languages are important, which one resonates most profoundly with you?

Understanding how you try to show love, or what you value and appreciate most from your partner, may help you to determine your love language. Alternatively, you could try to think about some of the ways you’ve been made to feel loved in the past. The secret is, that once you know your love language, then you’ll be able to communicate with your partner, and find out what makes them feel valued and cared for. Maybe they have the same love language as you, or maybe you need to learn how to speak their language?

To dive into more depth on this topic, you could take the quiz on Dr. Chapman’s website, five love languages dot com.

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Spoil Him With Presents

When youre in love, you lose track of time lots of hours are spent thinking about what to buy your partner and the romantic ways you can give them their present. Giving them a gift without expecting anything in return is proof to my partner that I have thought about them, and that I simply just want to make them happy. I dont need to go overboard, nor do I need to wait for a particular moment to convey my love to them. Although, I did have to proactively do some spy work in order to find out what my partner is interested in, enough to get to know them a bit better, enough to show them that I care about what they like and dislike

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Article presented by Katie M.

Love Languages Promote Selflessness

When you are committed to learning someone else’s love language, you are focused on their needs rather than your own. This is the central premise of Chapman’s theory. Couples should work to learn their partner’s love language rather than trying to convince their partner to learn theirs. Ideally, both people will want to express love in a way that is meaningful to the other.

The entire purpose of exploring your love languages together is to learn how to love your partner in a way that is meaningful to them.

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The Two New Love Languages

As for emotional and intellectual, these are a bit more inclusive of modern relationships. Thirty years ago, we werent as aware of toxic masculinity as we are now. So, men were not as free to display their emotions as they are now. Perhaps, more men will find that emotional will be their love language in todays culture. Along the same lines, the past two years have opened countless conversations between couples that they certainly wouldnt have had ten or twenty years ago. Perhaps, one may realize that intellectual is their preferred love language.

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