Acts Of Service To Others
Believe it or not, acts of service are life-giving to the community as well! Friends, neighbors, strangers can all benefit from us observing and following through with simple acts of service for one another.
- open the door for someone.
- offer to carry groceries or book bags for someone who has their hands full.
- walk the young and elderly across the street.
- Pay someones bus fare.
- Buy lunch for a neighbor or the person behind you in the fast-food line.
- Offer to clear the table after lunch or a community meeting.
- Bring water or a snack to friends working extended shifts.
- Write a thank-you note to your community safety officers.
- Provide essentials for local shelters.
- Help a new mom with household chores or childcare.
There are so many practical and simple ways we can use acts of service to others to make a difference.
When you have the ability to do good, do it. Service is the language of love.
What Are the Other Love Languages?
According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 Love Languages:
- Acts of Service
I have a friend who says prayer is the 6th love language and I 100% agree. Praying for our husbands is so important. That is love on a kingdom level.
Give Your Partner A Massage:
Is it necessary to say that your partner would prefer to be with you at all times if you can provide them with comfort? Imagine how good it will feel to them if you offer to give them a full-body massage, or even just a shoulder rub, after a long day. Yes, this falls under the category of physical touch in love language. However, assisting them in rubbing away the stress of the day is an act of service that they will appreciate. It will also aid in the development of intimacy between you and your partner.
Schedule A Date Night:
Date nights are extremely important in long-distance relationships. As of now, we know that doing things for your partner is the most effective way to express the love language for acts of service. You could do this by organizing a date night for your partner. You could plan a themed date night or go out to dinner and a movie.Your partner will be impressed that you took the time to plan a romantic evening for the two of you. Date nights are beneficial to long-distance relationships because they help to form bonds and create lasting memories. It all comes down to taking action and doing something for your partner. This shows your partner how much you value them.
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Assist Them With A Project:
You dont even need to be in charge of everything. Just a little help here and there can make all the difference in getting their project off the ground. Never pass up an opportunity to improve their lives by assisting them with a project that is meaningful to them. Even if you dont know how to handle the project, start with them and offer moral support.
Remember Not Everyones Love Language Is Acts Of Service
Its important that we dont expect the other person to receive love the same way we do. Even though I appreciate my husband thanking me for dinner every night or telling me how delicious the meal is, I need to remember that his love language is touch and hes making an effort to respond to my Act of Service to him. I would probably receive much more cooking kudos if I gave him a big kiss every time he complimented my cooking!
Gary Chapman gave an example of a revelation when he and his wife were first married and struggling with their differences. He realized how smooth every married couples day would go if it started out like this, especially if one of their love languages is Acts of Service:
Honey, what can I do to help you?
How can I make your life easier?
How could I be a better husband ?
If you have a spouse whose love language is Acts of Service, here are several ways to determine how you might show them love:
Observe his or her behaviorwhat frustrates them the most that they cant do by themselves or need to have help to accomplish?
What does your spouse complain about the most?
What does your spouse request most often?
Ask your spouse whats on their to-do list.
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Is Acts Of Service Ever A Bad Thing
Okay, brace yourself: The acts of service love language can be a little problematic if you’re not super self-aware.
While every relationship should be about balance, where both partners get their needs equally met, having this particular love language could make you more susceptible to letting expectations get in the way of an otherwise happy and healthy situation. In other words, if you think your partner should be doing X or Y for you, rather than letting them choose how to show their support, you could self-sabotage your bond.
“Unbalanced relationships where one person expects too much and thinks their partner must meet those expectations to prove that they love them” is when things get tricky, Palmer says. No one wants a relationship that comes with a list of chores.
Think about it: At work, you’d be put off by a new employee who feels like they’re entitled to certain things before they’ve even shown their commitment to the company. Similarly, your partner should feel like their demonstrations of love are reciprocated and their choice, at their willânot your demand.
Watch this to learn more about the five love languages:
What Is The Acts Of Service Love Language
The Acts of Service Love Language is all about doing things to help your partner feel loved, supported, and appreciated.
It includes things like cooking dinner, doing the dishes, taking the car for a wash, or folding their laundry for them. Its about taking care of the little things that need to be done in order to make your partners life easier.
When your partner feels like youre always there for them, pitching in and helping out, it really makes them feel loved.
So if youre looking for ways to express your love for your partner, think about what you can do to make their life a little bit easier.
Chances are, theyll really appreciate it!
Keep in mind, this isnt about doing things out of obligation, or to bank up points for your own gain.
This is a way of showing love and affection, and expressing how much your partner means to you.
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What Are Some Compatible Love Languages With Acts Of Service
Love languages are really not like the zodiac where select signs are compatible with each other. “Love languages are more about figuring out how to communicate to one another despite there being differences,” says Dr. Sims.
“It’s about humbling yourself enough to know that you will need to learn a different language, even if that’s not your natural tendency. It also means that you might have to put in some extra work. There’s a lot of effort in the beginning if you don’t speak the same language.”
However, even if you speak the same love language, it could mean different things for each partner. Its always useful to check in with their boundaries and communicate your wants and needs.
What Is A Love Language Test
A love language is an online quiz that contains questions related to words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, and acts of service, each of which represents a distinct way of expressing love.
The love language test is completely related to the love language theory, which is developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in the 1990s, which posits that every person has a diffrent love language for giving and receiving love.
For example, A person feels most respected when their lover/partner says words of affirmation like “I love you,” whereas their partner may feel most appreciated when they receive physical touches like kisses and holding hands.
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What Are The Five Love Languages
In his book, Chapman defines five different styles of expressing and receiving love: Acts of service, getting gifts, quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation. You and your partner may not speak the same love language what sends one persons heart soaring may leave another feeling flat. A shoulder massage at the end of a long day will be the best thing ever to the person whose love language is physical touch. But to someone who speaks the language of quality time, a hike and a picnic will be much more meaningful. Once you figure out the language that your partner speaks, youll be better able to communicate your feelings of love.
If Acts of Service is your significant others love language, look for ways to lighten their load, says psychologist Jennifer Thomas, PhD, a frequent lecturer on The 5 Love Languages and co-author with Chapman on the upcoming book Making Things Right at Work. Your partner will feel most loved or appreciated when you take a literal hands-on approach to helping them, Thomas explains. Saying that you love and care about them while sitting around rings hollow. You will fill up their love tank when you roll up your sleeves and get to work. For them, talk is cheap actions speak more loudly than words.”
So which actions will make your honey swoon? Consider this your romantic to-do list.
Pay Attention To The Little Things:
When it comes to being an expert at performing acts of service for your partner, its often a matter of anticipating what your partner will enjoy at any given time and delivering on that promise. Its usually the small things that they enjoy doing that are difficult to notice. So go beyond simply saying, I love you, and do something they never expected you to do.
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What Are Some Examples Of Acts Of Service
If you or your S.O.’s love language is acts of service, here are a few examples of ways to show your love, according to experts:
- Refill their glass when empty.
- Let them sleep in while you get the kids ready for school or walk the dog, so they can get a few extra minutes of rest.
- Prepare them a nice meal or randomly take them out to a nice restaurant, so they donât have to cook when they get home.
- Do the dishes and/or help with other household chores without them asking.
- Unpack their suitcase after a long work trip so itâs one less thing they have to worry about.
- Nurse them back to health when theyâre feeling sick.
- Offer to give them a massage when theyâre feeling stressed or sore.
- Run errands for them.
- Figure out the logistics of a vacation so they donât have to.
- Plan a get-together with their closest friends and family to celebrate a birthday or other achievement.
Consider What You Naturally Bring To The Table
It could be helpful to have them write out a weekly list. Better yet, Yakubov says, “Ask them what tasks or activities they struggle with, or where they get frustrated, to see the areas where you can provide help.” If you’re specialized or naturally equipped with skills that your partner is lacking to fulfill some practical obligations, that’s a great place to step in.
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Acts Of Service Love Language Tips
Here are a couple of tips to help you really nail this whole acts of service thing. These are key for understanding acts of service and how they work.
- Let people notice your efforts on their own. When he notices on his own hes more likely to see it as love. If were always pointing it out, its more likely to be received as nagging, manipulation, or even pride. Do it because you love him, not because you want the praise.
- Dont expect anything in return. Its easy to do nice things when we know we will get something in return. But if we base our actions on that return we go from showing affection to doing business and that is not a fun way to run a marriage.
- Pace yourself. You dont have to do all the things right now. Take a look at what is already on your plate and plan accordingly. Some ideas will be simple enough for you to do in a few minutes. Some you might have to set aside a weekend to do. Take it a day at a time.
- Set reminders. Reminders help us make sure we finish what we started. Follow-through is a big deal for anyone with the acts of service love language.
Keeping these tips in mind will help you love and serve others effectively. Now, what are some acts of service examples you can follow? Ive got a whole list for you!
And Why Is It Useful To Know Your Love Language
For love to thrive healthily both people need to feel genuinely loved, says Natalie Buchwald, LMHC and founder and clinical director of Manhattan Mental Health Counseling. Knowing and using your partner’s love language assures that your love is being communicated and absorbed by your partner. In other words, knowing your love language gives you the vocabulary to tell your partner what it is you need in order to be happy in your relationship .
The highest value of popular ideas like love languages is likely found in the attention they draw to the importance of clear communication of our needs and preferences in relationships, adds Dr. Paula Wilbourne, clinical psychologist, and co-founder/chief scientific officer of Sibly. Other benefits of the framework are found in the way it normalizes the idea that members of a couple may have unique and different preferences related to expressing and feeling love, as well as the importance of understanding the intimate needs of the person you love.
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Acts Of Service Long Distance Tips
Distance makes it harder, but still, acts of service are not impossible if you are in a long-distance relationship. Here are some examples of acts of service long distance.
What To Do If Your Love Language Is Acts Of Service
Acts of service is not as straightforward as the other love languages since it largely depends on your subjective experience and the priorities you have in your life.
Observation can only go so far, and since you can’t read each other’s minds, it’s important that there are conversations about met and unmet expectations and what both parties are hoping for. This can defuse underlying tension and conflict later on.
“This is not a one-time conversation but rather an ever-evolving conversation where the partners can check in with one another weekly, biweekly, or monthly to touch base on how their needs are being met by each other and if they are satisfied,” Colaku explains.
Frequent communication is essential so couples aren’t practicing the love languages theory robotically to gain affection but rather using it for what it’s intended to be: a jumping-off point to develop a deeper curiosity with each other.
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Giving Acts Of Service
If you have identified that your partner prefers to receive Acts of Service, then youre one step closer to making your partner feel loved . Whether its in your nature to give Acts of Service, or not, know that anyone can learn this love language.
When it comes to performing Acts of Service, here are four things you can do:
Even if your partner prefers another love language, Acts of Service can be beneficial for every healthy relationship. According to a 2016 study conducted by the Pew Research Center, more than half of all married couples believed that sharing housework was a major importance in a successful marriage. Whether its part of your love language or not, its important to make sure that you and your partner are both satisfied with how much work you do around the house.
Finding The Right Acts Of Service
Speaking the Acts of Service love language means performing the right acts for your partner. Not every act will be taken as an act of love. Discovering what your partners particular desires are will ensure the maximum benefit of your actions.
If the actions performed do not match the desired actions, your partner may feel unimpressed or annoyed with the effort spent on the wrong things. In turn, you may feel resentful that your efforts are not appreciated.
For instance, you may think doing chores or cleaning the house are helpful acts, but if your partner desires help with the children or paying the bills, your hard work may go unnoticed.
You must understand what makes your partner happy and put effort toward those endeavors. There are a few ways to determine what the right acts of service are for your partner:
Listen to the things your partner complains about.
- If your partner frequently states how there is a never-ending pile of laundry to be done, relieving them of this burden every now and then will appreciated.
- If your partner wishes they had more time to read, look for ways to make more time for them.
- Taking care of the nightly chores or children could free up their time.
- Make plans out of the house to give them space to read.
Pay attention to the little things that make your partner happy. Think about what they enjoy doing and how you might support those endeavors.
Look at your partners life and find ways to unburden them.
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