Love Language #: Physical Touch
Physical touch can bring a sense of security and connection to any relationship. If this is your primary love language, you crave shows of care and love through is thoughtful touches, hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and/ or sexual intercourse. Neglect or abuse can cause serious damage and hurt to you emotionally.
Like other love languages, there are different dialects in physical touch, such as loving touches on the arm/ back/ shoulders, a back rub, sexual foreplay and intercourse, sitting closely on the couch, holding hands etc. Even if you share the same love language of physical touch, dont assume he/she speaks the same dialect as you.
Rakkaus On Ihmisen Tarve
Rakkaus on ihmisten universaali tavoite. Taustasta, yhteiskunnasta tai mieltymyksistä riippumatta me kaikki haluamme kokea rakkautta. Jokaiselle yksilölle on kuitenkin ominaista, minkälainen rakkaus täydentää hänen tunneterveyttään. Gary Chapman kuvaa, että se, mitä rakkaus sinulle merkitsee, liittyy siihen, mikä antaa sinulle emotionaalista täyttymystä. Siksi väitämme rakastavamme ihmisiä, mutta myös toimintoja ja esineitä.
Me kaikki saamme polttoainetta rakkaudesta. Ilman rakkautta emotionaaliset tarpeemme jäävät tyydyttämättä, ja meidän on vaikea nauttia muista elämän osa-alueista. Esimerkiksi avioliitto ilman rakkautta vaikeuttaa muista elämän osa-alueista nauttimista. Gary kertoo esimerkin asiakkaasta, joka kamppaili juuri tämän dilemman kanssa. Hänen asiakkaansa oli varakas, mutta aineellinen omaisuus ei kyennyt täyttämään hänen emotionaalisia tarpeitaan. Hän oli silti onneton, koska hänen vaimonsa ei enää rakastanut häntä.
Ilmaise Rakkautesi Tyn Kautta
“Jos palveleminen ei ole sinulle luontaista, se on silti rakkauden kieli, joka kannattaa hankkia. Se on tapa ilmaista vastuuntuntoa toisten hyvinvoinnista. Albert Schweitzer sanoi toistuvasti: “Niin kauan kuin maailmassa on ihminen, joka on nälkäinen, sairas, yksinäinen tai elää pelossa, hän on minun vastuullani.” Toisten auttaminen on yleisesti hyväksytty rakkauden osoitus.”
– Gary Chapman
Yksi parhaista tavoista ilmaista rakkautta kumppania kohtaan on tehdä hyödyllisiä asioita. Yritä miettiä tehtäviä, joita kumppanisi ei pidä tekemästä. Jos hän ei pidä tiskaamisesta, sinun kannattaa tarjoutua tekemään se mahdollisimman usein. Se, että teet kaikkesi helpottaaksesi kumppanisi työläitä tehtäviä, osoittaa, että välität hänestä. Se osoittaa kuitenkin myös, että ymmärrät hänen inhoamiaan tehtäviä. Nämä teot ovat paljon voimakkaampia silloin, kun sinua tai kumppaniasi ei ole pyydetty. Siksi sen sijaan, että pyydät kumppaniltasi palveluksia, sinun kannattaa kysyä kumppaniltasi, mitä palveluksia sinä voit tehdä.
Yksi tarvittavista muutoksista, jotka sinun on oltava valmis tekemään, liittyy perinteisiin sukupuolirooleihin. Sinun pitäisi olla valmis tekemään kaikki kotityöt, joissa kumppanisi haluaisi apua. Tämä saattaa tarkoittaa sitä, että miesten on laitettava ruokaa ja naisten on korjattava hyllyä.
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Is There A Way To Fix A Problem That Doesnt Exist
Miscommunication and misunderstanding are serious battles where we fight mostly ourselves.
Step 1: Find out what makes you feel loved.
As Gary Chapman explains in the book, most of us speak more than one love language. His book will help you find out if you too, speak more than one language and which. I had to go twice through the love-languages section to find out for sure what my second language is. Its tricky, you know?
Step 2: Find out your partners love language.
I bet this will be easier than finding out what your language is. As Gary says: just focus on what your partner complains about thats missing. Not 100% applicable, but helps. Its funny how we know the other better than us, huh?
Step 3: Learn each others love languages and start practising.
If you are looking for quick-fix of your relationship or marriage problems, you wont find it in here.
In fact
You wont find it anywhere and shouldnt believe anyone who tells you they have your quick-fix.
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Theres one thing you cannot buy, steal, force to create or fake.
And thats real love.
If you want to have the great relationship you had at the beginning, you have to work on what you have today. Model it, redo it, nourish it, wake it up, love it. Work your way through it. Its worth it.
The book in one sentence: Express love in a way it will be felt and understood by the other.
The Love Language Of Your Kids
The 5 love languages for children give you the perspective of how to speak the love language your children will understand. This will provide you the overview that although you have your own way to express your love for your children, there are different ways to let them feel that they are loved and treasured. Here are the 5 love languages for children:
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Viestint On Ratkaisu Parisuhteen Haasteisiin
“Rohkaiseminen edellyttää empatiaa ja maailman näkemistä puolison näkökulmasta. Meidän on ensin opittava, mikä on puolisollemme tärkeää. Vasta sitten voimme antaa rohkaisua. Sanallisella rohkaisulla yritämme viestiä: “Minä tiedän. Välitän. Olen kanssasi. Miten voin auttaa?” Yritämme osoittaa, että uskomme häneen ja hänen kykyihinsä. Annamme tunnustusta ja kiitosta.”
– Gary Chapman
Suhteissa on aina kuherruskuukausi. Lopulta tämä tunne kuitenkin katoaa. Siksi suhteenne on rakennettava terveen viestinnän perustalle.
Gary hahmottelee rakkauden vaiheet selittääkseen, miten ihmissuhteiden on sopeuduttava ajan myötä. Rakkauden ensimmäiselle vaiheelle on ominaista vetovoima, ja sitä kutsutaan rakastumisilmiöksi. Nämä kokemukset ovat pakkomielteisiä. Haluat vaistomaisesti viettää kaiken aikasi tämän toisen ihmisen kanssa. Tätä vaihetta tukee kuitenkin evoluution myötä syntynyt lisääntymispyrkimyksemme. Siksi tätä alkuvaihetta hämärtävät pikemminkin irrationaaliset arviot kuin rationaalinen ajattelu. Psykologi Dorothy Tennov havaitsi satoja pariskuntia koskevan tutkimuksen perusteella, että useimpien suhteiden keskimääräinen elinikä oli vain kaksi vuotta. Kun rakastumisilmiömme laantuu, kamppailemme ylläpitääksemme romanttisia suhteitamme.
Which Is Your Primary Love Language
As mentioned earlier, we all have a primary love language. While you may say, All are important to me, there is one that is the most dominant and vital for you to be loved consistently. I had a difficult time with this, but after fully going through the book and doing their love language profile in the book and on their website, I am absolutely clear on what mine is. The order of my love languages are:
1) Words of Affirmation4) Receiving Gifts5) Acts of Service
If you want to find out what your love language is, I recommend you fill out the free love language profile on their website by . I’ve had my girlfriend do it, and even friends and family members it’s extremely useful.
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Lesson : The Five Love Languages Are The Different Ways In Which We Express That We Love Someone
Most languages have ways beyond words to express yourself. The same goes for love: There are different ways to show it. Here are five Chapman describes:
Remember: There are many ways to show someone you love them. Be sure to use them all!
Chapter 2 Feeling Loved
This chapter deals with needs. Love is a fundamental emotional need. Thinkers and psychologists agree that this has always been the case.
There are many meanings and uses of the word love : so what kind of love is essential to our emotional health?
The most vital need of a child is love and affection. Ross Campbell uses this metaphor: in every child there is an emotional tank waiting to be filled. The need to feel like they belong to someone and that they are wanted. The child would go on a quest to fill this tank, adults as well. When I fall in love, it temporarily represents this same quest.
Note: We dont agree with Gary Chapmans statement that what he calls love we call bonding. For us, the struggling child who puts him or herself in danger needs to rebuild his or her bonding with one or more resource persons. Bonding is the organization of emotional exchanges between the mother and her child, on a priority basis and in a respectful way.
In the absence of bonding, if there is abuse, rejection, neglect of the child, he or she will put him or herself in danger and distress, which will be the breeding ground of all the violence in adolescence and in adult life.
Although the author equates this emotional imbalance to a quest to fill ones love tank, we equate it to the need to restore the lack of bonding suffered during early childhood, and thats the case from 0 to 99 years old!
Warning: someones behavior can change dramatically when their love tank is full.
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The 5 Love Languages Book Review
Gary Chapmans main idea behind his masterpiece is this:
We all have our own love language the language we understand and speak. If I start talking in French to you, no matter what, you would never know what Im trying to tell you unless you speak French too.
Gary claims its the same with love.
No matter how many times per day you show your love and affection to your partner, they will never understand you if thats not their love language too.
The Five Love Languages Could Fix This!
Do you recognise yourself in this story:
You spend your days cooking and cleaning, running after the kids, preparing lunches for everyone in the house, looking after the dog, the cat and the man in the house, you might be 100% convinced that you show your love and appreciation to your husband.
And you will be right.
I mean, you wouldnt do these 1000s of things daily just because youre bored, right?
Then, one evening, your precious one looks into your eyes and saysI dont feel like you love me anymore.
Your jaw has dropped so low thats closer to the centre of the Earth than to your face.
Your heart is racing and threatens to jump out of your chests, and you change all the shades of red while your mind plays like a movie all of the ways you showed him love today.
Only today!
What about yesterday: you did so many other things
Unlike him.
Why cant he see and appreciate all the thousands of other things you do?
You are both angry.
Falling In Love And Out Of It
When we fall in love, we feel euphoric. We have the illusion that our partners are perfect and that the romantic feelings in our relationship will last forever. During this in-love period which typically lasts about 2 years, we feel altruistic toward each other. We give freely because we believe our lover feels the same about us, and are equally committed to meeting our needs. When the phase eventually passes, relationship issues start to surface. To learn more about the in-love vs real love stages, do check out our full version of The 5 Love Languages summary .
To have a lasting relationship, we must learn and speak our spouses primary love language. When their love tanks are full, they are in a better position to reciprocate your love, and are free to grow to their full potential.
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Chronicle And Summary Of The Languages Of Love
Of all the books on relationships Ive read, this is the one I found the most striking. Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor. He is also a pastor. Although his speech is impregnated by his belief and his religious convictions, it doesnt alter anything he conveys about the love languages, which concern everyone, believers or not.
Book Review : The Five Love Languages
Summary of The languages of Love: Learning to fill the love tank of ones spouse helps to make love last and to restore it when it has been tested, allowing everyone to know their own channel and that of their partner its somewhat as if its a foreign language to learn to reach the other: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch are the 5 primary means recognized by author Gary Chapman.
By Gary Chapman, 1995, 188 pages.
The book The languages of Love has been on the New York Times Best Seller list since 2009.
The book The languages of Love was reissued in 2015 under the title The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
Note: this review is brought to you by Geneviève and Luciane, of the blog En couple, Simone!
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Summary & Review Of The 5 Love Languages Book
Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages book has sold over 12 million copies, has been a #1 New York Times Bestseller for 8 years running and is now celebrating its 25th anniversary. Now, that’s a special book!
The 5 Love Languages gives you the keys and the power to transform your relationships. It should be read by everyone, and it may pertain to any type of relationship.
The 5 Love Languages: Overview
Like linguistics in communication, people speak different love languages. We have our native love languages that we speak and understand best in, and our secondary language that we are comfortable but less fluent at.
It is possible for couples to love each other, but to feel unloved because they give and receive love differently, i.e. they dont share the same primary emotional love language. After 30 years of marriage counselling, Chapman concluded that there are 5 key emotional love languages, though there are many dialects within these five languages.
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Love Language #: Acts Of Service
If this is your primary love language, you feel loved when your spouse says let me do that for you, and helps to ease your burdens or share your responsibilities e.g. cooking a meal, washing the car. Broken commitments, unwillingness to help, laziness/ sloppiness, or taking your spouse for granted, all send the message that your spouse doesnt matter.
Even if you and your spouse share the same primary love language of Acts of Service, you make speak different dialects or value different types of support being rendered (e.g. she may prefer that you wash the dishes while you may prefer that she irons your clothes. Try asking your spouse to list down the tasks that he/she considers most important, and do them.
Unique And Most Important Aspects
Gary Chapman really has a gift in distilling the concept of love into categories that are acceptable and understandable. Ross Campbell has the expertise and experience to explain how these ideas relate to parents and children. While the book is a quick read, it is certainly longer than it needs to be to explain the content. This book contains a story, What Mark Took to War, which is only a page long, but which alone is worth the price of the book. This story brings tears to my eyes whenever I think of it.
Important ideas from this book:
-
Applies the Five Love Languages concept to children
Incorporates a well-written chapter on anger
Teaches that a childs love language can change over time
Advises parents to practice unconditional love before moving on to discipline
Describes strategies for learning a childs love language
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Chapter 10 Love Is A Decision
How do both spouses talk in each others love language when they are bitter over past failures?
We can recognize that we have done wrong and decide: I want to love you in the language you understand. This creates an emotional climate conducive to resolving past conflicts and failures.
After the love at first sight that temporarily bridges the emotional needs of love, these continue to be fulfilled if my spouse has learned to speak to me in the love language that I understand. Otherwise, my tank will empty little by little and I will end up not feeling loved anymore.
The fulfillment of my spouses needs for love is the result of a free choice that I make. Gary Chapman says he makes it every day.
Note: We dont agree with Gary Chapman here. He seems to be caught in this very common illusion that I am responsible for my spouses happiness, as Hollywood comedies suggest to us. While for us, each member of the couple is responsible for their own emotions, their needs, their happiness. The other person shares all of this with me but is in no way responsible. My spouse owes me nothing.
Certainly, expressing ones love in a foreign language doesnt come naturally. We can even have disgraceful depictions, for example, concerning vacuuming, if it had been a chore during childhood. Yet, love can be a powerful driver for choosing to do it.
Love is a decision. Each spouse can make it today.
A Book Review: The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a book I heard mentioned frequently in the past few years so I purchased a copy for summer vacation. It was my attempt to diversify my reading from all the business and self development books I so thoroughly enjoy. Little did I know I had so much to learn, and self-develop, in this department!
The book is eye-opening and mind-opening. Much as we like to think we all speak a common language in our everyday conversations, our love languages can be just as different as well. The book describes the 5 love languages as follows:
1. Words of Affirmation includes verbal compliments and words of appreciation
2. Quality Time giving your undivided attention
3. Receiving Gifts visual symbols of love
4. Acts of Service doing things you know your spouse would like you to do
5. Physical Touch not just the type you are thinking of , this includes holding hands, an arm around the waist, a foot rub and more
The descriptors are accurate representations of the language expressed yet there is so much awareness to be gained from delving into the contents of this easy-reading book. A profile for each spouse is included in the book to help each identify their love language. Tips and to-dos are scattered through out to help you express your affection to your spouse in a manner that is highly meaningful to them, that is, in their language of love.
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